Blog

It was 1 September 2016, the first day of a whole new and (supposedly) exciting chapter of my life. The day I was to become my own boss, working as a qualified counsellor – as Freddie Counsellor – for myself, from my home, in my own private practice.

It sounds like it should have been an exciting and proud moment. And it was. But I was also terrified!

As I sat behind my desk, it dawned on me that not only was I marketing my counselling knowledge and expertise as an Addiction and Specialist Wellness Counsellor, what I was ultimately vending was Freddie, myself.

Knowing that a strong belief in one’s product makes the selling of it much easier made the dilemma of selling myself twice as difficult, because I have never truly believed in my worth. Permanent employment had always allowed me the luxury of living in fear. Being retrenched from my job a month earlier removed that security and, in turn, my safety blanket of fear.

By that time, I had been clean and sober from alcohol and drugs for nearly eight years and had also built up a decent amount of clean time from my sex addiction. My method of getting clean and staying clean of all my addictions: working 12-step programs. I love the 12 steps and am lucky that I enjoy attending fellowship meetings. I treasure the special bonds I have with both my sponsor and sponsees. From the time I entered recovery, I have never been without some form of service position within the fellowship. By some magic, miracle and/or divine intervention, I even have an amazing relationship with a higher power of my understanding.

Many of my character defects have been removed and I live in constant gratitude for this. But, fear, that self-centered fear that Bill W. and Dr. Bob informed us about so many years ago, was still a real factor in my life in the beginning. Most of the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) promises had even come true for me by then, but that fear of economic insecurity was sticking like an insect in a Venus flytrap.

This fear-defect had to be removed if I was going to make a success of my new endeavor. All we can ever do though, is to do the next right thing and turn the end result on its head. We cannot tell God when to do what in our lives.

I realized that hanging on to my fear suited me. I had been a qualified counsellor for three years. I hated the job I got retrenched from, but the security of a paycheck at the end of each month kept me trapped in my fear bubble.

I had to start living without fear as soon as possible. I called an Emotional Freedom Tapping (EFT) and Matrix Re-imprinting practitioner and asked for her help. The next day, I was on the “couch” – being worked over by an angel. Being clean and sober is a miracle to me; I believe other miracles are possible too. I sat up from that session and knew I had been gifted. I knew with absolute clarity that I had successfully handed my generational fear back to my ancestors and that I would be able to live my life free from its shackles.

A new life began that day for me; a life without fear.

In July of 2017, at an SAA retreat, I was asked by a serial relapsing sponsee to please write a 12-step guide which would allow him to work through all the steps during one of his short sober periods. My new life of courage gave me the confidence to write my first book, The First Layer; Work through the 12-steps in 21 days. I self-published this step work guide in November 2017. For the first time I wrote down a list of all the questions I believe are fundamental to working a solid round of steps and then broke then down into 21 days. I interspersed the questions with explanations and anecdotes from my own experience.

My second book, Life Anon: A 12-step guide to life, was born from my own experience of the new way of life and tools I have gained by working 12-step programs. I see 12-step plans as design-for-living guides. I learnt how to live my life effectively and efficiently through working these programs and realized that these principles are universally applicable. It was this comprehension which drove me to write Life Anon – I want to give the rest of the world the opportunity to receive the gift of these spiritual programs too. The major premise of Life Anon is that we react to situations in our lives in inappropriate ways, which causes pain for ourselves and others. These reactions are learnt behaviors from past experiences. By working the steps, we can undo these learnt reactions and figure out how to respond more appropriately and spiritually.

I truly believe that Life Anon could be a global phenomenon, making positive changes in the lives of all people.

Get my books here:

The First Layer; Work through the 12 steps in 21 days: A beautifully presented full color book. Kindle version on Amazon.

Life Anon; A 12-step guide to life: A well-presented full color book. Soft cover and Kindle version on Amazon.